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Thread: FOBL ENTERS NEW NUKE ERA

  1. #1
    Beloved Former Owner RonCo's Avatar
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    Default FOBL ENTERS NEW NUKE ERA

    The crowd was buzzing as they waited, and exploded into full-fledged rapture when RonCo finally walked across the New Mexican stage to take the podium, a dais that had been erected on the old pitching mound at the stadium known as RJ Oppy by those close with the team, and that was now drenched in a bright central spotlight fringed with overtones of midnight blue and dusty orange. In the darkness around him, no one could see the derelict structures that had stood empty for nearly three decades now, and everyone just agreed to to ignore the mutated grasses and cactuses that were growing from dried cracks in the arid, dusty field.


    The audience scream and screeched, and the hired guitar player ran a ragged riff that was like something that came from the love child of Andy Warhol and Keith Richards. Three teen girls and a guy of alternate persuasion passed out with the vapors.


    “Ladies and Gentlemen,” RonCo said, waving his hand to attempt to calm the hordes. When, five minutes later, they did verily calm at least enough that he could be heard, RonCo began.


    “The rumors are true!” Cheers erupted. “I’m back, and I’m taking over the Tacos.” At which point he nearly burst out laughing. “What the hell kinda name is ‘Tacos’ for a goddamned baseball team?” A comment received with seven choruses of hallelujah and a wiry Indian man playing sitar. “And it gets better. We’re coming back.”


    With that, RonCo announced the move of the Fresno franchise to Los Alamos, and the continuation of what had been one of the lost gems of the league.


    “The first era of the Nukes was defined by the 18-season run of 90+ wins,” he said. “A record that probably stands today, but that our stats crew was too lazy to look up to be sure. They did, however, say sho-nuff when I asked ‘are you sure?’” The crowd all nodded their heads in unison and called out “Sho-nuff here, too!”


    “We had division titles, and the Rings. There was the ravaging of the league by Lee McKittrick and there was the Bloody T-Shirt. And there was Lewis Hubble and Alex Machuca and even Kyle Doyle, the guy who ran the string with us and who even today is living here in Los Alamos.” The elderly Doyle stepped out with help from his walker, and tipped an old Nuke cap to the adoring crowd.


    “I’m calling that the FAT MAN era of the franchise. You know? We were huge. We were a beast. We made a helluva crater on our opponents in what back then was the best division in baseball.”


    The audience nearly self-combusted on the spot.


    “But let’s be honest. This team that’s coming to the city this time is…well…it’s going to need some tender loving care. It’s…I mean…how do I say this kindly…it’s just not very good. The fact is that this baseball team won 87 games the first year it went to Fresno, and it’s been downhill ever since. The truth is that this team was lucky to win the 63 games it won in 2062. In all seriousness, I think it’s really a misplaced water polo squad.”


    Hushed murmurs of acceptance rolled through the crowd, and it felt like everyone was at the funeral of that uncle that every family has, you know, the guy what ruins every get-together but who you invite anyway because he’s family and who, if anyone says bad stuff about you beat the shit out of them because…hey, my uncle may be a shithhead to me, he’s going to be Mr. Shithead to you, got it?


    “I just don’t want to get any hopes up. Not yet, anyway. I want to remind everyone where we started last time, you know?” Gazes picked up. “Does anyone remember the tough seasons of the FATMAN era? Does anyone remember the team that packed up from Essex had won only 42 games that season before?” Voiced began to yip, and coyotes at the dark fringes of the ancient stadium began to join in. “Does anyone remember the George Alversons and the Jimmy Guajardo’s of that 2016 team? The guys who gutted themselves in front of you guys and who willed a 42-win team to become a 70-win team that first season in Los Alamos?”


    Cheering began then, cheering and stomping thumping chests the likes of which hasn’t been seen since that freaky opening to 2001: A Space Odyssey.


    “I’m sure you do remember, because that was the only team in this city’s history to lose more games than it won, and because—for that reason—that team has a warm place in your hearts.”


    RonCo calmed the masses.


    “This time may be tougher, though. We’ll see. The season is started and we have what we have. But I wanted to let you all relive where we’ve been so we can use that as a beacon for where we’re going. I want you to remember that in the tough times that lie ahead. Whereas my leadership team have taken to calling that last era of Nuke domination by code name FATMAN, I’m here to tell you that we’re working on a new era of Nuke domination, which we will now know as LITTLE BOY, which seems appropriate for this club, doesn’t it? We’re going to take this team from Fresno, wherever the hell that is, and we’re gonna go all LITTLE BOY over this league!”


    With that, strobe lights flashed, and the guitar player mixed with the sitar player, and the crowd went wild as RonCo stepped down from the podium and immediately took a two or three day vacation to get his stamina up for the job at hand.
    Last edited by RonCo; 07-07-2017 at 09:58 AM.
    LOS ALAMOS NUKES
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    Darn Tootin' Division Champions: 2020, 2027, 2028, 2029
    VL Wild Card: 2021, 2025, 2026, 2030, 2031 (VPI!)


  2. #2
    FOBL Owner/GM kurtism's Avatar
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    2016, 2021-2022, 2030, 2042 Solecismic Series Champions
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  3. #3
    FOBL Board of Governors Hollywood's Avatar
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    Missed that. Welcome back

  4. #4
    FOBL Board of Governors Hollywood's Avatar
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    RonCo vs. Doc P is an OOTP fight I want to see

  5. #5
    FOBL Board of Governors CubsFan915's Avatar
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    And I want to have happen in the OTHER league.
    Richmond Confederates

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  6. #6
    FOBL Owner/GM pbot's Avatar
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    Welcome back, Ron.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------
    Trenton Roadkill - 2040 FOBL Champions


  7. #7
    FOBL Owner/GM Doc P's Avatar
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    tl;dr


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  8. #8
    (Or Dark Cloud. Whichever works.) Young Drachma's Avatar
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    Oh man.
    FOBL: Helsinki Clowns (2063-)
    previously: Fresno Tacos (2062), Salt Lake City Elders (2048-58), Marlboro Townies (2038-43), Bantam Originals (2028-35)
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  9. #9
    FOBL Owner/GM Doc P's Avatar
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    The records now reside in MoBay, btw. The rings, the division titles and the consecutive big win seasons and consecutive playoffs (well CAP shares that last one). No need to hit the books.


    Solecismic Series Champions - 2044, 2047, 2048, 2050, 2053, 2058, 2059
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  10. #10
    FOBL Board of Governors Hollywood's Avatar
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    MBJ and LOS need to be in the same division

  11. #11
    FOBL Owner/GM frozenrope's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hollywood View Post
    MBJ and LOS need to be in the same division
    The division wouldn't be able to fit any more than the 2, though.


    'Tragedy is when I stub my toe. Comedy is when you fall down a manhole and die." - Mel Brooks

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  12. #12
    Beloved Former Owner RonCo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hollywood View Post
    MBJ and LOS need to be in the same division
    I'm here to please.
    LOS ALAMOS NUKES
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  13. #13
    Beloved Former Owner RonCo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Doc P View Post
    The records now reside in MoBay, btw. The rings, the division titles and the consecutive big win seasons and consecutive playoffs (well CAP shares that last one). No need to hit the books.
    LOS's was done back in the days when everyone was actually paying attention. MBJ's clearly needs an asterisk. And what is it with MBJ, anyway? What kind of an acronym is that?
    LOS ALAMOS NUKES
    VL Pennant Winners - Solecismic Series Champions: 2027, 2029
    Darn Tootin' Division Champions: 2020, 2027, 2028, 2029
    VL Wild Card: 2021, 2025, 2026, 2030, 2031 (VPI!)


  14. #14
    FOBL Owner/GM pbot's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hollywood View Post
    MBJ and LOS need to be in the same division
    Quote Originally Posted by frozenrope View Post
    The division wouldn't be able to fit any more than the 2, though.
    Trenton will move to the Prairie if Doc, Ron, and CJP want to all go head to head to head.

    Seriously.

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  15. #15
    FOBL Owner/GM Doc P's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pbot View Post
    Trenton will move to the Prairie if Doc, Ron, and CJP want to all go head to head to head.

    Seriously.
    That would be no fun.
    Then how could we play each other in the SS?


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    Vaughan League Manager of the Year - 2043, 2044, 2048, 2050

  16. #16
    FOBL Board of Governors CubsFan915's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RonCo View Post
    And what is it with MBJ, anyway? What kind of an acronym is that?
    [Travel agent hat]MBJ is the airport code for Montego Bay, Jamaica.[/Travel agent hat]
    Richmond Confederates

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  17. #17
    Beloved Former Owner RonCo's Avatar
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    Can't they just set their GPS and trust Google?
    LOS ALAMOS NUKES
    VL Pennant Winners - Solecismic Series Champions: 2027, 2029
    Darn Tootin' Division Champions: 2020, 2027, 2028, 2029
    VL Wild Card: 2021, 2025, 2026, 2030, 2031 (VPI!)


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