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Thread: Townies conduct unprecedented shopping spree in search of October gold

  1. #1
    (Or Dark Cloud. Whichever works.) Young Drachma's Avatar
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    Default Townies conduct unprecedented shopping spree in search of October gold

    The Marlboro Townies were a doormat for the bulk of their existence in three other cities. But upon the move to Vermont six years ago, D.C. had a goal to turn the moribund franchise around once and for all. After three straight playoff appearances -- tripling the franchise's record of one all-time -- including a division title and a division finals appearance, the team slumped to the 2nd worst record in the FOBL last year.

    Same old Townies, right? Apparently not.

    After a flurry of activity best described as "completely fucking insane," D.C. conducted one of busiest off-seasons in recent memory, benefiting from the best draft class in history to deal picks and whatever players he had left. The yield? Nearly $18 million in cash and overnight, a completely new lease on life.

    "We weren't really setting out to go into FA this year and make bold moves. But once it all started to come together and the excitement began to build, it became really apparent that we needed to make some moves that would put this franchise in a position to do something it'd never done before," he said.

    After spending nearly $50m in free agency, the team will certainly need nametags for everyone who comes back, because save for a few players who returned from last year's team; everyone wearing the new Townies duds will be like their jersey -- new.

    Here's some of the highlights of the Townies off-season haul:

    SP Al Letheren An 18-game winner splitting time between Montana and Montego Bay, Al's been one of the FOBL's most consistent big-game pitchers for the past few years. A four-pitch ace who is an ace on most staffs.

    SP Geoff Cullins Part of a flurry of deals between the Townies and Norwich, Cullins is a prized hurler that boasts three strong pitchers, won 23-games last year and did we mention he's a 100k guy still? He's the kind of ace that people in Marlboro simply haven't ever seen developed before. Mostly because the team has usually traded kids by this time. But Cullins will be suited up and wearing Marlboro blue on Opening Day.

    SP Vern Gordon Speaking of Norwich, you can't say "ace" without saying Vern Gordon. He's won at least 17 games each of the last four years and led Norwich to a title three years ago.

    SP Jian-ying Hui Two years removed from 20 wins, Hui would be a top of the rotation starter on most teams. In Marlboro, he'll probably go every fifth day. A bounty of richness abounds in MRL.

    P Vic Sullivan For some odd reason, Vic Sullivan never got the chance to start in Wisconsin and also wasn't used as anything other than a long reliever. He's going to be the opening day closer in Marlboro, though when he was originally signed, the team expected him to start -- and he still might -- but the bounty of pitching riches means he'll probably be used as an old school closer instead.

    OF Epco Dubbledam Back to back 100+ RBI season for Dubbledam makes him a guy worth watching this year. His production will be very useful for a team that despite its pitching prowess might struggle to score runs at times.

    1B Jed Crawford MRL is betting that he can return to the form that yielded seven straight 100+ RBI season that ended last year. If he can produce in the middle of the order, the Townies gamble on him will have paid off.

    SP Doug Morgan Four really good pitches and yet, another guy that on this team will be somewhere in the bottom of the rotation.

    The Townies have either assembled the deepest pitching staff in the bigs or have made colossal gambles that will serve as a lasting cautionary tale for some future team attempting to build themselves through free agency. For Marlboro, it was a unique opportunity to capitalize on some quality free agents and to build a team that in contrast to past playoff teams they'd have, could compete in a deep playoff run situation.

    Soon we'll stop playing on paper and will begin to see whether or not all of this works out.

  2. #2
    FOBL Board of Governors Hollywood's Avatar
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    I will be following the experiment very closely.

  3. #3
    Owner and GM, Washington Piledrivers and Virginia Woodchucks Subby's Avatar
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    This will not end well.
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  4. #4
    (Or Dark Cloud. Whichever works.) Young Drachma's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Subby View Post
    This will not end well.
    FOBL: Helsinki Clowns (2063-)
    previously: Fresno Tacos (2062), Salt Lake City Elders (2048-58), Marlboro Townies (2038-43), Bantam Originals (2028-35)
    2064 Solecismic Series Champion
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    FOBL Board of Governors Morgado's Avatar
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    ROFFLEZ

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    Davenport Falcons - 2043 FOBL Solecismic Series Winners

    (05 OCT 2011) 09:56:52 am [kurtism]: morg is the honey badger of economic analysts
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  6. #6
    FOBL Owner/GM frozenrope's Avatar
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    This is going to be fun to watch. Nice moves, DC... puttin' your balls out there!

    Of course I"m not going to have fun playing you. But who gives a shit? 50m in FA!!!!


    'Tragedy is when I stub my toe. Comedy is when you fall down a manhole and die." - Mel Brooks

    "Prophet Harold Camping who predicted the end of the world has died. That's kinda sad but its not the end of the world" -
    Eric Idle

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