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Thread: Everybody Loves Young Whores

  1. #1
    FOBL Board of Governors Hollywood's Avatar
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    Default Everybody Loves Young Whores


    "These are not the Whores I was expecting, Pimp Shaw."

    by Jim Niginowitz
    On Special Assignment from Gawker.com


    Mr. Shaw, Top Pimp and Chief Whore of the formerly relevant Hollywood Media Whores, is known for three things: his three FOBL Championship rings, impatience, and a vacated conviction for pederasty stemming from a misguided yet brief stint at seminary.

    While the conviction didn't stand the test of time (thanks to the untimely death of 27 witnesses, all of natural causes like bullet holes and hanging), Hollywood's patience has been surprisingly alive and well over the past two seasons.

    After winning three straight Dola/Skates division titles and his third SS ring, Shaw stood at a crossroads. Was it time to hang up his Owner/GM crown and retire to the Philippines with close friend and oxycontin supplier Rush Limbaugh, or was he to rededicate himself to FOBL and drag the other 31 owners kicking and screaming into a new FOBL Golden Shower Age?

    After discovering that he could actually do the latter while blasting rails of crushed-up Oxyies with Mr. Excellence-in-Broadcasting, the decision was made. Helping lead the revitalization of FOBL proved easier than expected thanks to numerous owners (new, current and returning) sharing his goal and working hard to recreate the good old days.

    Part of this process was strategizing for his franchise's future. Shaw realized that years of negligence had eroded Hollywood's talent base, so Shaw committed himself to a spartan path of trading long-time Whores, drafting smartly, and not mortgaging the future as he has been wont to do since 2001.

    The plan started to blossom on Opening Day this season, as prized rookies such as SP B.J. Powers, 3B Mario Solano and RPs Willie Burt and Jarred Frye made their big-league debut.

    On Friday, the plan continues with the debut of this year's 4th overall pick, C DeWitt Austin, 2038 19th overall pick CF Don Jones and 2038 4th rounder 3B Rhett Potts. All three will play part-time duty in an effort to keep them in the Bigs for the rest of the season without exceeding their callup exemption limit. They will be joined in September by other future stars like OF River Scott, SP Rhett Greene and RP Ty McDonald.

    Shaw wanted to wait until September to start the talent parade, but that patience we mentioned earlier can only last so long, especially when he's strung out and sharing a room with a nude, sweaty radio host.
    Last edited by Hollywood; 09-30-2011 at 12:52 AM.

  2. #2
    FOBL Commissioner Simms's Avatar
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    FOBL Commissioner, 2001-2010
    Owner/General Manager, Wichita Tumbleweeds, 2001 to present
    Prairie/Skates Division Winner: 2003, 2014, 2022, 2024, 2025, 2033, 2034, 2046
    Wild Card/Skates Divisional Playoff: 2004, 2006, 2015, 2016, 2036, 2037, 2039, 2040, 2045, 2046, 2047, 2052, 2059
    Gindin League Champions: 2003, 2015
    FOBL Champions: TBD

  3. #3
    (Or Dark Cloud. Whichever works.) Young Drachma's Avatar
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    I roffled.
    FOBL: Helsinki Clowns (2063-)
    previously: Fresno Tacos (2062), Salt Lake City Elders (2048-58), Marlboro Townies (2038-43), Bantam Originals (2028-35)
    NCFA: Minnesota A&M Redhorse
    USA: Front Range United
    IFA: Toverit Helsinki

  4. #4
    FOBL Owner/GM Doc P's Avatar
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    I know I love young dead sluts whores stinking up the trunk of my car making our league a better place.


    Solecismic Series Champions - 2044, 2047, 2048, 2050, 2053, 2058, 2059
    Vaughan League Champions - 2044,2047,2048,2050,2051,2052,2053,2054,2058,2059
    Ice Cream Sandwich Division Champions - 2043,2044,2045,2046,2047,2049,2050,2051,2052,2054, 2055,2056,2058,2059,2060,2061
    Vaughan League Manager of the Year - 2043, 2044, 2048, 2050

  5. #5
    Owner and GM, Washington Piledrivers and Virginia Woodchucks Subby's Avatar
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    VIVID JUST BOUGHT THE MOVIE RIGHTS TO YOUR STORY!!!!!
    Virginia Woodchucks 2001-2035, 2039-present
    2004, 2010 Solecismic Series Champions
    Gindin League Champions (4) 2004, 2010, 2032, 2060
    Wilderness/Skates Division Champs (9) 2001, 2004, 2008, 2010, 2011, 2045, 2048, 2058, 2060



  6. #6
    FOBL Board of Governors Morgado's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mein Brau
    Helping lead the revitalization of FOBL proved easier than expected thanks to numerous owners (new, current and returning) sharing his goal and working hard to recreate the good old days.
    RULES COMPLIANCE WILL SET YOU FREE


    Davenport Falcons - 2043 FOBL Solecismic Series Winners

    (05 OCT 2011) 09:56:52 am [kurtism]: morg is the honey badger of economic analysts
    Jenny's Constant = [(7^((e/1)-(1/e)) - 9)]*(pi)^2
    I ♣ baby seals.
    *shurg* \_(ツ)_/

  7. #7
    FOBL Board of Governors CubsFan915's Avatar
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    I heart Shaw.
    Richmond Confederates

    Gindin League Wild Card 2008, 2018, 2028
    Prairie Division Champion 2009
    Gindin League Champion 2028
    Vaughan League Division Semi-Finalist 2036, 2037, 2038, 2048, 2052, 2053, 2054, 2055, 2056
    Skates Division Regular Season Champion 2057
    Skates Division Playoff Champion 2057
    Gindin League Division Semi-Finalist 2058

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