DAVENPORT -- Today, new Mauston Mad Cows owner Morgado announced the reclaiming of the Davenport Falcons' franchise history and namesake. Special guest team representative Dwayne Johnson announced to 38 moderately interested fake baseball fans at the local Chuck E. Cheese's pizza joint that "FINALLY... THE FALCONS HAVE COME BACK.... TO THE QUAD CITIES."

Newly hired Senior Director of Player Personnel Lester Olson declared the Falcons would restore the good standing of the Front Office Baseball League in Davenport. "The loss of fake baseball to this fine region due to the departure of the Queens Bees is something we will work very hard to overcome." Ill will built up in the wake of the Queens franchise move boiled over when the Bees won a Solecismic Series shortly thereafter. Nearly half of the 38 fans in attendance at the announcement ceremony were decked out in "RUCK FAMZA" shirts in reference to the owner who moved the original Davenport Falcons franchise.

Copies of the new team's plans to re-open The Aviary with modifications to add competing Five Guys, Chick Fil-A, In-n-Out, and Culvers food options were distributed in 32 point comic sans to the media following the event.