Latest FOBL News
Historically Awful Media Whores shake up rotation
    
Chief Whore Shaw knows his Hollywood squad has no shot at the massively engorged crapshoot known as the FOBL playoffs, but that hasn't stopped him from ordering a significant change to his pitching staff. Five new starters and three new relievers rode in on the Sunday evening bus from Los Gatos, home of the AAA Silicon Valley E-Holes, and all will make their career major league debuts in Wednesday's sim.
From left to right, the new starters are highly-rated former WIC prospect Cale Kenworthy along with lifelong minor leaguers Jerry Gould, Curt Howard, Raul Gomez and Jerry Neal.
"Some people might call this a move rooted in desperation, or frustration, or a misguided sense of pride. Actually, it's pure malice. I have the personality of an inflamed, gangrenous sphincter, and I'm in a bad mood. Gnarly shit happens to incumbent players when I'm in a bad mood. We plan on having a lot of new faces around here in the next few seasons, so I need to put my stamp on these guys early. And my boot. And Discipline Consultant Mohammed Amann's huge member."
The Hollywood Media Whores (20-85, 51 GB) are in last place in the Skates Division, but in first place in the race for the top overall pick in next year's draft, in which they hold 20 picks, including 3 first rounders....read more.
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Local Fake Baseball Team Sold To Multinational Agricultural Biotechnology Corporation
Local Fake Baseball Team Sold To Multinational Agricultural Biotechnology Corporation
The Capital City Metropolitans have been sold to Monsanto Inc., a Multinational Agribusiness giant. The Mets, as they are usually called, had been a locally owned FOBL baseball team for the last 45 years. They have had a checkered past in the tri-county area, with cyclic seasons of massive successes, titanic struggles, and constant threats of folding or moving due to what the former owners called our "draconian building safety regulations'. Through it all their local fan support has never wavered, even in years when unexplained tragedies occurred in their ancient ballpark.
Monsanto made the announcement via a private teleconference with some of their major stockholders. One of these people, who wished to remain anonymous, informed us that the new ownership group would lay off most of the team's current employees, including the players wives who had been making less than minimum wage as stadium vendors, laundry staff, and drivers of the team bus. We were also told that the company expects to begin talks with city council immediately about getting local money and free real estate for a new baseball stadium.
The current stadium, Cracktown Field Park, was built in 1932 during a failed attempt to draw the Olympics to Capital City. It was the finest football/baseball/boxing/rodeo venue in the tri-county area for a few years, but has become more infamous recently as the site of multiple 'Act of God' events:
- In 2001 the left field bleachers collapsed during the first home game for the Mets, and 100's were injured. This bleacher section is still in a tangled heap today, with only frayed and faded yellow police tape keeping curiosity seekers (and some annoyed season ticket holders) out.
- During the 2003 Tom Selleck Series several concrete columns of the main grandstand co...read more.
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FOBL Saves the World
Posted By: RonCo
For those who have been too busy watching X-Factor and the Voice to pay attention t...read more.
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Power...in Arizona???
(Scottsdale) - Kel Bunch crushes another batting practice pitch over the right field wall at Stadium 54, and starts to taunt pitching coach William Tieman.
"Hey coach, did you used to throw that junk when you were playin? How did you win 200 games?", he says with a laugh. Tieman only smiles.
"251 son. And 44 shutouts. That's almost as many as you on a Saturday night." The Discotheque players surrounding Bunch start cracking up. Another pitch. Crack! Another pitch over the wall. Disco Balls go off in the bleachers. "Saturday Night Fever!", Bunch shouts.
Life has been good in Scottsdale since the arrival of the 1st round slugger, acquired in a trade earlier in the year from Portland. He's been just the remedy the Discotheques needed to climb back into the playoff race, a race the Arizona faithful have been missing the last 6 seasons. 14 seasons, really. Since their 111 wins in 2031, Arizona has made the playoffs just once, a quick 1st round sweep exit in 2038 at the hands of the Montana Monarchs. The last time they've won a playoff series, Todd Coulter was a rookie, Leslie Pino was still playing, and Los Alamos still existed. There have been a couple of attempts at a rebuild, but never more than 88 wins, never a team that could compete with the Pocket Otters, Mets, or Monarchs of their division. So GM/Hot Dog Vendor Chris Williams decided to take a different approach.
"Power," he exclaimed in a recent interview. "This team had always been built around pitching, with good average and a couple of power hitters. This time, we've spent the last several seasons focusing almost exclusively on power. And not just good all-around power, but those that can consistently hit 30-40 home runs every season, even in a ballpark as cavernous as Stadium 54. I want opposing pitchers to get to the 8th hitter in our lineup and...read more.
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