Latest FOBL News
Club Officials Go Silent Over Talk FOBL Loaned The Capital City Metropolitans Money
Club Officials Go Silent Over Talk FOBL Loaned The Capital City Metropolitans MoneyFiled under Fake Baseball, Breaking News, Capital City Sports Business, Capital City Metropolitans, Ray Modulator, Ray From Accounting, Buddy Grant Sr.
UPDATED, 9:10 a.m. CDT to indicate it is Modulator Sports Group & Discount Prospect Warehouse, not Ray Modulator personally, that is struggling with debt issues.
ARLINGTON - Amid increased internet chatter Wednesday that Ray Modulator’s sports consortium - Modulator Sports Group & Discount Prospect Warehouse - financial woes are deepening and that the club has borrowed money from The FOBL's rainy-day fund, team officials took a strange approach.
They went silent.
The chatter arose Wednesday after a local blog reported hearing on a national radio broadcast the team had borrowed $5 million from the FOBL to make its most recent payroll obligations and to fund ongoing operations. Asked about the reports, Modulator referred questions to team spokesman Bob Rogers, who said the team would have no comment on the financial situation. Club president Lewis McCracken declined to comment after the Metropolitans’ 9-7 win over Los Alamos , which put the Mets 13 games up on the Nukes in the Darn Tootin Division.
Club sources, however, said the team has paid its employees for the most recent pay period and that Modulator remains in control of the organization. According to a source familiar with the situation, the Metropolitans are continuing normal operating procedures and have financial resources to pay their current 25 man roster players, some Cracktown Field Park security personnel, the teams electricity bill, and have some left over for extraneous expenses like pay phone calls. The source, however, did not mention the strong possibility of sharp decreases in expected payroll for next season.
According to a source, a scenar...read more.
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He's baaaaaaack
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Marilyn Chambers is dead, so Brian Gibson is now the most famous Whore.
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HOLLYWOOD (AP) The most storied franchise in FOBL history has awoken from a long slumber, said Chief Whore Shaw in an interview conducted at 11:00:05 PM Monday evening. "The most storied franchise in FOBL history has awoken from a long slumber," said the Chief Whore. "I'm repeating it for emphasis. The most storied franchise in FOBL history has awoken from a long slumber. I'm so serious that I want you to lead with my quote as if you wrote it, then put my quote in twice more just so people think you fucked up."
Unnecessary duplication and irrelevant hyperbole aside, he may be correct. Just as the 2033 FOBL Free Agency period drew to a close, Shaw took advantage of a 2-year-old change in bidding rules and the complete apathy of 35 other owners to snag 4 players, adding them to an already-impressive haul that included 27-year-old superstar infielder Brian Gibson.
After finishing .500 with a minsal roster, Chief Whore Shaw could no longer stand the resultant cash burning a hole in his pocket. He targeted several players who could help Hollywood's anemic offense. One of those was Ronald Goodall. After Goodall became too expensive for his age, Shaw focused his wanderlust on Gibson, a younger version of Goodall. Eight million fake dollars later, the deal was done. Shaw also resigned his ace SP Arden Maple to a sweetheart $2.2M contract, an...read more.
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Slumdog FOBLaire
| | Apramaya "Bad" Muthukrishn has had all the answers so far in his journey to the FOBL |
VANCOUVER (AP) -- Once in a generation, there comes along a story of such compelling human interest that one cannot help but revel in the tale of the man who beat the odds. It is astounding enough to think that Apramaya "Bad" Muthukrishn is one of only two players in the entire world of FOBL to hail from India (a country whose population exceeds 1.1 billion people), but in reality, that is just the backdrop for his unique journey to within one step of the big leagues.
In India, Apramaya, who had no education and worked in a call center serving tea, was close to wining a minor league contract with the struggling Portland Fighting Prawns on the show "Who Wants to Be a FOBLaire?". He was only one correct question away from the big prize. However, some, including those associated with the game show, questioned how someone like Muthukrishn, a self confessed non-genius who grew up in the slums of Kiri Buru, could be doing so well on the show when others who were brighter, more educated and wealthier than him had failed. Was Apramaya cheating? Was it purely luck that they had asked him the questions to which he knows the answers? His life's journey included being orphaned at an early age; growing up with an older brother, Salim, who was both his guardian/protector and antagonist; and having a relationship since childhood with another orphaned child, a girl named Latika. His motivation for being on the show also may provide some answers to his success. Perhaps it was all just meant ...read more.
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STAT CHAOS ROCKS FOBL
Posted By: RonCo
AP -- Rumors are buzzing through the FOBL headquarters despite commissioner Simms' hastily released internal memo that asked the organization to get a grip. But numbers don't lie, and the latest reports from the stats crew suggest that offense around the league continues to plummet. Scoring, which averaged 5.2 runs/game in the five year span from 2023-2027, has been crashing down for the past five years, and is now at a 15-season low (4.7 R/G).
"Interesting," said one-time league totals czar RonCo. "We were shooting for about 5.1, but obviously something's gone awry."
Meanwhile, several FOBLers have been asked to return to Capital Hill to review their testimony regarding performance enhancing drugs and the league's decision to install testing for steroids and certain supplemental vitamins in the late 20's. Donny Room, whose miraculous 2026 season (70 HR, 188 RBI, 1.323 OPS) is exhibit A in the Federal's case, as he faded appreciably after the testing was announced. The 38-year-old Room is now hitting .239 and has yet to hit a dong this season. League detractors suggest that the testing is working to stop players from hitting the juice, but others point to the fact that Room is now so old he uses his bat as a cane as a more likely cause of his falling numbers.
Other notables involved in the discussion are the Santa Cruz 2b Lamont Colon, Los Alamos DH Lee McKittrick, and one-time sensation James Coutee.
AAA and A-ball stats are also down, A-ball being particularly anemic with the league hitting at a .232 clip (.580 OPS).
The FOBL's testing methodology was a contentious issue in the day, with some teams and ex-players arguing with such fervor as to come to punches. Hype Ehman even spent a day in jail when he took offense to a Dola owner who suggested that his numbers might have been inflated by greenies and viagra. Hype disagreed, and spiked the winter meeting punch with X and gin. Everyone final...read more.
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Crow's Managment Declare: 'This Is THE Year!'
Columbus management is proud to present the gameplan of this off season, the results of said gameplan, and the ramification of those actions.
The Rotation
In this year’s free agency, there was on dominate starting pitcher in Faller, and three true aces in Mota, Spinelli, and Scoville. While I was pessimistic in getting all three, I hoped to get at least one of them at eight million. Unfortunately, this year was active off season and therefore the prices for the big three went above my means. The next in line was Beadles, but at 35 was a bit too old for what I was looking for on the Crow’s team. Ultimately, there just weren’t enough twenty-something starters to bid on and the team had to pull the trigger on Beadles. Otis Berrero was originally scheduled to be a middle reliever with Eddison holding the #4 spot and top prospect John Mullins in the #5 spot. But after noticing that Otis held a 6 endurance rating, he was immediately moved to the rotation, with Tino Ojeda moving to the bullpen from Norman.
#1 Starting Pitcher
Original target: Dominic Mota (Rank #2) Offer: 3 years/$8,000,000yr
Final target: Jerry Beadles (Rank #5) Price: 3 years/$4,690,000yr
2031 Crow’s #1 Starting Pitcher: Archie Eddison 16-14/3.66/135/.274/45.7
2031 Goph...read more.
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